THE WIND GENTLY SLIPPING THROUGH YOUR FINGERS
AS IF IT WERE A SWEET REMINDER OF THE SEASON TO COME
FEELING THE CRUNCH OF THE RECENTLY PASSED LEAVES--
I LOOK UP TO THE SKY
AND I'M GOLDEN
THIS IS THE MOMENT WHERE SOMETHING IN MY BRAIN SNAPS
AND I KNOW THIS BODY IS NOT MY OWN
BUT WITHOUT IT I AM A BLOATED NUMBER OF SENSELESS AMBITION
SO WITH MY TAIL BETWEEN MY LEGS, I PUSH MYSELF THROUGH THE DOOR
AND I CONTINUE ON.
11/15/2009
11/06/2009
dinner time !
this is something i've just noticed.
my dad and i work together for a photography studio. we're field technicians which means we have to drive to the locations of different clients (this sometimes adds up to four hours in the car on work days.) since i'm constantly requiring music wherever i am, you'd think i would put the radio on or hook up an ipod.
but i don't.
and since we're in this silent car together for hours at a time you'd think maybe we would talk. or laugh. or something.
but we don't.
we sit in silence for hours.
and it's not uncomfortable.
but it's not like how i remember comfortable silence. it's a completely new feeling.
like we don't need to talk.
like we already know what is going on with each other.
him and i are eerily similar, anyways. we're both robots.
really interesting. i've never been a family type of girl. i have tried my entire life to avoid the thought of family... just not the same as other teenagers. i never thought my parents were "lame" or "stupid." i just felt so indifferent. the feeling of "family" never appealed to me: so i rid myself of it.
maybe this is why i'm so lonely.
my dad and i work together for a photography studio. we're field technicians which means we have to drive to the locations of different clients (this sometimes adds up to four hours in the car on work days.) since i'm constantly requiring music wherever i am, you'd think i would put the radio on or hook up an ipod.
but i don't.
and since we're in this silent car together for hours at a time you'd think maybe we would talk. or laugh. or something.
but we don't.
we sit in silence for hours.
and it's not uncomfortable.
but it's not like how i remember comfortable silence. it's a completely new feeling.
like we don't need to talk.
like we already know what is going on with each other.
him and i are eerily similar, anyways. we're both robots.
really interesting. i've never been a family type of girl. i have tried my entire life to avoid the thought of family... just not the same as other teenagers. i never thought my parents were "lame" or "stupid." i just felt so indifferent. the feeling of "family" never appealed to me: so i rid myself of it.
maybe this is why i'm so lonely.
to me
you only exist in an impossible dream
anything else makes you feel unreal
i love sharing my world with you
if you're distant
it's completely beyond me
but your brilliance is astounding
anything else makes you feel unreal
i love sharing my world with you
if you're distant
it's completely beyond me
but your brilliance is astounding
graveyard in the middle
yr sitting in a corner
feeling disconnected
and i gave you my hand
so you could figure it out
and i wonder what you're thinking
mentally preparing for my disaster
and i put it behind me
it's a stupid little thing
feeling disconnected
and i gave you my hand
so you could figure it out
and i wonder what you're thinking
mentally preparing for my disaster
and i put it behind me
it's a stupid little thing
hark! pt. 2
I CAN COUNT ALL YOUR TATTOOS.
but can you count mine?
they measure how much i mean to you.
and i've made you dinner
i ask about yr day
like you would respond accordingly
but you tell me about yr new clothes instead.
and i listen.
but can you count mine?
they measure how much i mean to you.
and i've made you dinner
i ask about yr day
like you would respond accordingly
but you tell me about yr new clothes instead.
and i listen.
you ruin them!
it's simply the way you act
it's not like you're oblivious
yr big smile throws them off
+you wear their clothes
+they think they're in love
it's not like you're oblivious
yr big smile throws them off
+you wear their clothes
+they think they're in love
no glasses.
THE WORLD IS AN UGLY FUCKING PLACE WHEN YOU CAN'T SEE IT.
BLURRY VISION GIVES ME RAPID HEADACHES
AND YOU BURNED MY WINDOW PANES
MY POLYCARBONATE HIGHWAY
FALLING ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL
HEAD ON INTO SOMETHING GREAT
BLURRY VISION GIVES ME RAPID HEADACHES
AND YOU BURNED MY WINDOW PANES
MY POLYCARBONATE HIGHWAY
FALLING ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL
HEAD ON INTO SOMETHING GREAT
I KNOW I'M NOT PATIENT
but you are impossible!
inconveniencing myself
+for a simple night in my dreams
i answer my own question
repetitive - i am prepared
i let you in for the attempt to fix
everything
inconveniencing myself
+for a simple night in my dreams
i answer my own question
repetitive - i am prepared
i let you in for the attempt to fix
everything
11/05/2009
hark!
you have this mirror in your bedroom
the reflection left me in awe
my body shaking
+sewing my mouth shut
only letting nervous spots of my surface slip through
+you laugh. sweet fucking laughter.
my ignorance, apparent.
your visual appeal
its impression: forward in my skull
KISS MY CHEEK
a thoughtless request
followed by a thoughtless action
-well rehearsed.
a simple adjustment of position
in that moment you had me
my heart sunk to the floor
the reality of this situation ---
perfectly strikes me
almost sickening
i allow myself this one dream
an unattainable picture of ignorant bliss.
the reflection left me in awe
my body shaking
+sewing my mouth shut
only letting nervous spots of my surface slip through
+you laugh. sweet fucking laughter.
my ignorance, apparent.
your visual appeal
its impression: forward in my skull
KISS MY CHEEK
a thoughtless request
followed by a thoughtless action
-well rehearsed.
a simple adjustment of position
in that moment you had me
my heart sunk to the floor
the reality of this situation ---
perfectly strikes me
almost sickening
i allow myself this one dream
an unattainable picture of ignorant bliss.
"You're wonderful and it's beautiful."
FUCK, YOU'RE PERFECT
HOW IS THIS SO IMPOSSIBLE?
I THINK I MIGHT LOVE YOU
IT'S SO HARD TO SAY NOW
you are so fucking wonderful
FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
i think i blew it.
BUT THE WAY YOU LOOK AT ME-
sometimes. I FEEL SO GONE.
I'LL DENY THEM OPENLY
+WHEN WE TALK
WE JUMP PAST THE OBVIOUS
IT'S YR CONSTANT HINTING LOOKS
YOU MAKE THIS
I GIVE YOU MY EYES+
YOU GIVE ME YR HANDS
I KNOW I'VE TOLD YOU- |||||||||
HOW IS THIS SO IMPOSSIBLE?
I THINK I MIGHT LOVE YOU
IT'S SO HARD TO SAY NOW
you are so fucking wonderful
FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
i think i blew it.
BUT THE WAY YOU LOOK AT ME-
sometimes. I FEEL SO GONE.
I'LL DENY THEM OPENLY
+WHEN WE TALK
WE JUMP PAST THE OBVIOUS
IT'S YR CONSTANT HINTING LOOKS
YOU MAKE THIS
I GIVE YOU MY EYES+
YOU GIVE ME YR HANDS
I KNOW I'VE TOLD YOU- |||||||||
philip
I'M TELLING YOU THAT I'M HAPPY.
I'M OKAY.
BUT LOOK AT WHAT I'M DOING.
IF THE END WASN'T TOO LATE
YOU COULD BE BETTER
OR MAYBE THE PAINT WAS READY TO DRY
HUNG TO THE TOP OF THE CEILING
THE NAILS WERE WEAK SO YOU PULLED
THEM TO THE FLOOR - YR HEART WAS
THE SAME --- BLOWING A HOLE
THROUGH "IT" YOU WANTED THIS
I HAVE THIS PERFECT MEMORY IN MY
BRAIN AND IT HAS CALMED MY HEART
HOW BLISSFUL - IT'S PURELY SITUATIONAL
BUT IT'S VIVID BEAUTY WRAPPING IT'S
THIN FINGERS AROUND MY NECK THROWS
ME OFF BALANCE...
SO WHEN WILL I LEARN?
I'M OKAY.
BUT LOOK AT WHAT I'M DOING.
IF THE END WASN'T TOO LATE
YOU COULD BE BETTER
OR MAYBE THE PAINT WAS READY TO DRY
HUNG TO THE TOP OF THE CEILING
THE NAILS WERE WEAK SO YOU PULLED
THEM TO THE FLOOR - YR HEART WAS
THE SAME --- BLOWING A HOLE
THROUGH "IT" YOU WANTED THIS
I HAVE THIS PERFECT MEMORY IN MY
BRAIN AND IT HAS CALMED MY HEART
HOW BLISSFUL - IT'S PURELY SITUATIONAL
BUT IT'S VIVID BEAUTY WRAPPING IT'S
THIN FINGERS AROUND MY NECK THROWS
ME OFF BALANCE...
SO WHEN WILL I LEARN?
what you comprehend
EVERY DAY THAT PASSES, COLD UNDER SNOW
MY MEMORIES - VIVID AND OLD
RETURNING TO ME
IF I COULD THANK YOU, I WOULD
INSTEAD I'M TELLING PEOPLE I DON'T EVEN KNOW
AND THEY'RE CONFUSED
AND MAYBE THEY'RE BORED
AND MAYBE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND
PERFECT AS YOU WERE,
CONVINCING A MAN TO CLIMB MANY MOUNTAINS IS NEAR IMPOSSIBLE
HE THINKS IT'S HIM
NO, HIS THOUGHTS HAVE SEEN BETTER DAYS
AND NOW THEY'RE OVER
THROUGH MY DREAMS HE'LL HAVE TO REACH --------
AND I'M CERTAIN THAT HE WILL
MY GOD, I HOPE SO
PLEASE.
MY MEMORIES - VIVID AND OLD
RETURNING TO ME
IF I COULD THANK YOU, I WOULD
INSTEAD I'M TELLING PEOPLE I DON'T EVEN KNOW
AND THEY'RE CONFUSED
AND MAYBE THEY'RE BORED
AND MAYBE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND
PERFECT AS YOU WERE,
CONVINCING A MAN TO CLIMB MANY MOUNTAINS IS NEAR IMPOSSIBLE
HE THINKS IT'S HIM
NO, HIS THOUGHTS HAVE SEEN BETTER DAYS
AND NOW THEY'RE OVER
THROUGH MY DREAMS HE'LL HAVE TO REACH --------
AND I'M CERTAIN THAT HE WILL
MY GOD, I HOPE SO
PLEASE.
oh.
a gentle denial-
or a needle peircing skin
IT'S ALL WRONG
EVERYTHING IS WRONG
now it's nothing
+a part of me is waiting
+i know i'm not patient
bur never won't come soon enough
his story is a frightening turn of fate
- at least to most
but his path was strictly his own discomfort
turning the vision through the lens
into nothing but a neurotic senseless point in time - in life
a matter of self worth
piss stained red, cold+alone
your lips turn silver
-it's less obvious
and you thought you won
or a needle peircing skin
IT'S ALL WRONG
EVERYTHING IS WRONG
now it's nothing
+a part of me is waiting
+i know i'm not patient
bur never won't come soon enough
his story is a frightening turn of fate
- at least to most
but his path was strictly his own discomfort
turning the vision through the lens
into nothing but a neurotic senseless point in time - in life
a matter of self worth
piss stained red, cold+alone
your lips turn silver
-it's less obvious
and you thought you won
rest in a million
HIS PINPOINT PUPILS CLOSED
+MAYBE IT WAS CONCIOUS
BUT WHAT HAVE I LEARNED?
WHAT IS SO PERFECT -
SHUTTING DOWN IN IT'S OWN TERROR
HIS THICKENING PASSION?
ALL THAT LOVED HIM
ALL THAT HE LOVED
PUSH FONDLY AWAY
YR OWN SAFETY - SO IT SEEMED
HIS PERFECT LIFE MEANT NOTHING
PALE LIPS THICKLY COATED
WARM IN HISTORY
COLD HARD PLASTIC -
OF HIS OWN SELFISHLY CHOSEN DESTINY
+MAYBE IT WAS CONCIOUS
BUT WHAT HAVE I LEARNED?
WHAT IS SO PERFECT -
SHUTTING DOWN IN IT'S OWN TERROR
HIS THICKENING PASSION?
ALL THAT LOVED HIM
ALL THAT HE LOVED
PUSH FONDLY AWAY
YR OWN SAFETY - SO IT SEEMED
HIS PERFECT LIFE MEANT NOTHING
PALE LIPS THICKLY COATED
WARM IN HISTORY
COLD HARD PLASTIC -
OF HIS OWN SELFISHLY CHOSEN DESTINY
_-_-_-_-_-__-__----_--___- o
ALL MY FRIENDS ARE FUCKED UP
BURNING OUT
THEY SAY
THEY WILL STAY
BUT DO THEY EVER
BURNING OUT
THEY SAY
THEY WILL STAY
BUT DO THEY EVER
key to my home.
I'VE ONLY KNOWN
THE END
OF MOUNT ELAM ROAD
DANGEROUS CURVE
LONG SICK CRIES
HEARD BY FIRE FLIES
MY SMILE
+YR SMILE
REFLECTING THEIR EYES
OH. MOUNT ELAM ROAD!
BETSY SPRING FALLS
+MANDOLIN BRIDGE
COMPLETE. LITERATURE.
+RED WINE
PUTTING FORTH A ________
MOMENTARY PERSPECTIVE
NOTHING BUT MINE.
EXIT ->
THE END
OF MOUNT ELAM ROAD
DANGEROUS CURVE
LONG SICK CRIES
HEARD BY FIRE FLIES
MY SMILE
+YR SMILE
REFLECTING THEIR EYES
OH. MOUNT ELAM ROAD!
BETSY SPRING FALLS
+MANDOLIN BRIDGE
COMPLETE. LITERATURE.
+RED WINE
PUTTING FORTH A ________
MOMENTARY PERSPECTIVE
NOTHING BUT MINE.
EXIT ->
STORIES TOLD FROM AN OLD FACE.
spoken words of a lost cause.
YOU ARE THE NIGHT
AND I AM THE KING
I AM FLOOR BOREDS
HOLLOW SWEET FOOTSTEPS
LIGHT SOFT
+FALLING FASTER
CLOSER+CLOSER
YOU ARE THE NIGHT
AND I AM THE KING
I AM FLOOR BOREDS
HOLLOW SWEET FOOTSTEPS
LIGHT SOFT
+FALLING FASTER
CLOSER+CLOSER
perfect perfect perfect perfect perfect perfect perfect perfect
PERFECT
this is perfect
PERFECT
THIS IS PERFECT
oh my god,
is this perfect.
but i am having a problem.
a moment on paper never means the same thing
| | | }
i a m l i v i d.
this is perfect
PERFECT
THIS IS PERFECT
oh my god,
is this perfect.
but i am having a problem.
a moment on paper never means the same thing
| | | }
i a m l i v i d.
numbers. keeping yrself close.
you know
fully aware
yr perfect
yr the saddest boy in the world
social face
yr feet turned in
forcing awkward smiles
SOMEDAY MAYBE YOU CAN FIX THIS.
yr suspicions are reckless
and the process is worthless
this can't turn into something until i have nothing
fully aware
yr perfect
yr the saddest boy in the world
social face
yr feet turned in
forcing awkward smiles
SOMEDAY MAYBE YOU CAN FIX THIS.
yr suspicions are reckless
and the process is worthless
this can't turn into something until i have nothing
CRIMINAL. RESTRAINING ORDER. SMALL CLAIMS.
at once you were large
but i've compressed, not you,
but the thought of you
the theoretical prison
that once was
my life
isn't it tragedy? but what is
i question my own self
every day
i think it's very possible that i am wrong.
but i've compressed, not you,
but the thought of you
the theoretical prison
that once was
my life
isn't it tragedy? but what is
i question my own self
every day
i think it's very possible that i am wrong.
don't you know?
the last three weeks of summer
yr summer.
if you feel what i feel
it's beautiful
but often discouraged
we felt the hot and cold run wildly
the rain and wind bringing us close
i shared my candy
because i loved you
and this was beautiful
if only temporary
yr leaving with the leaves
and i'm staying with the snow.
yr summer.
if you feel what i feel
it's beautiful
but often discouraged
we felt the hot and cold run wildly
the rain and wind bringing us close
i shared my candy
because i loved you
and this was beautiful
if only temporary
yr leaving with the leaves
and i'm staying with the snow.
THE SADDEST BOY IN THE WORLD (pt. 2)
he IS the face of everybody
everything is special
just because of you
yr energy. all yr energy.
weighing it down he touches it softly
with purpose or not.
conscious or not.
he knows where he is going
but all spirits
keeping quiet
because he deserves nothing
theoretical evil [if it made sense to me.]
will forever take his hand
he never pulls back.
and i think i know a secret
although, it will never make much sense anyways.
YOU WANT IT TO HAPPEN. YOU WANT NOTHING.
everything is special
just because of you
yr energy. all yr energy.
weighing it down he touches it softly
with purpose or not.
conscious or not.
he knows where he is going
but all spirits
keeping quiet
because he deserves nothing
theoretical evil [if it made sense to me.]
will forever take his hand
he never pulls back.
and i think i know a secret
although, it will never make much sense anyways.
YOU WANT IT TO HAPPEN. YOU WANT NOTHING.
THE GIRL IN THE CORNER (pt. 1)
sulking in her inability to ask how yr night is going
how beautiful is she
rhetorical question
where does her mind take her
questioning her faith
as well as her complexion
her sun spots push through
and she questions yr motives
not her strong point
periodical leaves
it's a perfect storm
yr networking
she takes it in.
throat clogged:
she fills her lungs.
IT'S NOT LIKE SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW UNCOMFORTABLE HER PRESENCE IS.
or maybe you don't even notice.
how beautiful is she
rhetorical question
where does her mind take her
questioning her faith
as well as her complexion
her sun spots push through
and she questions yr motives
not her strong point
periodical leaves
it's a perfect storm
yr networking
she takes it in.
throat clogged:
she fills her lungs.
IT'S NOT LIKE SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW UNCOMFORTABLE HER PRESENCE IS.
or maybe you don't even notice.
in yr arms.
i saw your reflection in the subway window and i think you are the most beautiful person i have ever seen. i don't do this often but after i saw you i felt so compelled to let you know. i know i am lucky that you didn't take this the wrong way, but i knew you wouldn't; beauty like yours could only shine from the inside. PERFECT.
|
|
| in yr arms
and i'll be here forever.
with a similar destination.
|
|
| in yr arms
and i'll be here forever.
with a similar destination.
SADDEST BOY IN THE WORLD (pt. 1)
let him in and
he speaks vaguely
he goes out of his way
PAYING FOR YR TRAIN TICKETS
what an a s s h o l e
it's a new day
nothing changes.
he will pay for yr anxiety
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||
STAB YR BACK
buy you a drink
FOOLED AGAIN
STABBING YR BACK
let's visit this issue later
SADDEST BOY IN THE WORLD
he'll get you
bring you into his cave
RIP YR ARMS OFF
ALL YR FAULT
HE'LL MAKE YOU FEEL IT
and now yr his slave.
he speaks vaguely
he goes out of his way
PAYING FOR YR TRAIN TICKETS
what an a s s h o l e
it's a new day
nothing changes.
he will pay for yr anxiety
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||
STAB YR BACK
buy you a drink
FOOLED AGAIN
STABBING YR BACK
let's visit this issue later
SADDEST BOY IN THE WORLD
he'll get you
bring you into his cave
RIP YR ARMS OFF
ALL YR FAULT
HE'LL MAKE YOU FEEL IT
and now yr his slave.
i feel as though everyone thinks they are well liked.
somethings special
somethings wrong
something is happening
and you don't deserve it
|
|
sometimes it feels
better this way
sad as it sounds
maybe he's right
|
|
|
|
go.
down.
it's colder at the bottom.
somethings wrong
something is happening
and you don't deserve it
|
|
sometimes it feels
better this way
sad as it sounds
maybe he's right
|
|
|
|
go.
down.
it's colder at the bottom.
AT OUR BEST:
my sad pony gorilla boy
catching the falling leaves
and you think you're my toy
and you're wrong
and you're all wrong
driving our golden car
taking any chance
to catch your breath
(a blatant purposeful xiu xiu rip-off.)
catching the falling leaves
and you think you're my toy
and you're wrong
and you're all wrong
driving our golden car
taking any chance
to catch your breath
(a blatant purposeful xiu xiu rip-off.)
11/04/2009
GIRL IN THE CORNER
sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.
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